Flashbacks

I think one of the hardest things to walk through post the accident is the visions and flashbacks that have been haunting me. They are the worst kind too. Sometimes I have flashbacks to the hospital and the feeling of her diaper filling as her body was giving up the fight while she was in my arms. Sometimes it waiting outside of the ER room on my knees begging God for a miracle. Sometimes my body takes Logan’s place in the midst of her accident and I experience what she went through. It’s truly the worst images and visions I experience. Sometimes they are as I try and sleep sometimes they are during the day when my eyes are wide open. Either way I chalk this up to an attack from Satan. They seem to happen the worst after Ive tried to experience some joy in life. When they come I try and pray them away or ask God to replace them with a happier memory. I’m not sure if these will ever escape my mind but I do know that God is faithful. When these happen they don’t test my faith they make me lean more to my father in heaven. The attack satan planned to cripple me actually brings me closer to the place he’s trying to tare me away from. It’s not going to work. I also proclaim Satan to leave my mind when these happen. He has no victory in my life or in this tragedy. On my way home from Logan lake and a great trip to hocking hills these images crept in. I thought about her the whole way home. The song “I will sing of the goodness of God” came on and it just made me think of how good he has been and will continue to be. We had a good chat on the way home too. I know that he will free me from these visions some day but until he does I’ll wait patiently knowing he’s making a way where there feels like there is no way. 💜🦋🐓