Forgiveness

Anger, bitterness, resentment…. Those are easy emotions. It is so easy to become angry in the justification of your hurt. To stay angry in your hurt because you were wronged. Grace, love and forgiveness are hard emotions surrounding a deep hurt. The hurt doesn’t even have to be set deep to think it’s ok to justified and don’t get me wrong it’s ok to be angry when you have been hurt but when we stay stuck in that anger or bitterness and we sin in those emotions is when it becomes a problem. Yesterday I shared with you the story of the worst day of my life and today I want to share with you a story of grace and love and forgiveness. If you read my story you’d know that there is a place of deep hurt in my heart. The reality of the story is that I left my children in someone else’s care and a a tragic accident occurred. That someone is someone I trust, I love, I care deeply about and know that this wasn’t her intentions. Just 2 days before she was at my house watching the same kids because I was attending a similar award ceremony for our other daughter. Our friendship is rooted in love, centered on christ and I’m honored to be able to do life with her. To say I value her and her wisdom and her character is an understatement. She is beautiful inside and out. After the accident I found myself lost in a swirl of emotions. I prayed God would center my thoughts and help me through this. When I thought of my friend my first reaction wasn’t of anger or bitterness. I couldn’t help but put myself in her shoes and to know the pain I felt she had to be feeling something too because after all she truly loves me and my family. I called her shortly after we knew Logan was going to heaven and honestly I kind of think Logan went to heaven long before I was ready to let go. I wanted to be the one to tell her. It would be easy for me to hate her, to be justified in anger, to be bitter and to resent her but I fight to rise above those emotions. I read that Satan wants to destroy you, I’m not talking just shake you up a bit but completely destroy you and claim victory to any areas of your life he can. I fight to give Satan no victory in my life because Jesus is the ultimate victor! Jesus died on the cross for forgiveness. I have to let the blood he shed cover any anger, bitterness, resentment that bubbles inside because that was the whole reason he sacrificed himself. Jesus died so we could have forgiveness for our sins. Please don’t take this the wrong way. The road to forgiveness and grace and love isn’t always easy. I’m learning that forgiveness isn’t a one time thing. Sometimes I have to come back to a place of forgiveness and peace because anger has set in. Sometimes I drift to the whys, and how’s, and the what if’s. Then I realize those are areas where I don’t fully believe In the plans that God laid out for us. I pray for God to help me totally believe those areas. I don’t know what the future holds for our friendship but I fight everyday to not hold any ill feelings I so rightly could be justified in. I fight to have the bond of sisterhood in Christ be as strong as it was before, I fight to refuse satan no victory especially in this tragedy. I told my friend I forgive her and knew she was also struggling with forgiveness for herself and told her I was praying for her to find it. The fact is life is hard, troubles happen, accidents happen. I know that the love and Grace I can extend only comes from God. I don’t understand why he chose us with this story but I know he will use it for his good. I won’t let anger or bitterness dilute the work he has planned to do. I fight for peace because I also have carried the weight of anger once for far too long. You can read a post I shared a while back about how God is restoring a relationship full of hurt with my mom who left when I was 13. If anything, Logan also taught me that life is too short and to hold on to bad emotions is just not worth it. Just because we let go of our hurts doesn’t mean we have to have relationship with the one who hurt us. If it’s healthy for you to build back a relationship I encourage you to try. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean you are weak, I actually think it’s a strength because it’s so so hard to do sometimes … Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are telling the other person they were right but at the end of the day if you free yourself of the weight of anger and bitterness you come to peace. God’s perfect peace… that’s what he wants for your life. To my friend…. I will love you always. I will walk this journey of restoration, redemption, forgiveness, love and grace because I know this wasn’t your intentions and I know God will guid every step we take in faith. I love you and I know Logan did too.💜🦋🐓